Thursday, 10 August 2017

Life after RELAPSE

LIFE AFTER RELAPSE..


Last week i wrote a post about my recent relapse with anxiety. Today i wanted to talk about life after it. Because no one really talks about it. I think  it's important for me to talk about. Because so much comes with relapsing. It's not one day replasping the next day back on your feet. It's so much more and I'm telling you its so hard. I think that when it comes to mental health of lot of people have the mentality of " Just get on with it" which is so belittling and wrong. My life since relapsing has been horrendous. And starting new tablets with the side affects is also very hard to deal with.

Every day is a struggle and has been for the past 6 weeks or so. I never have energy and always really tired. I have sore bones and muscles where I've been so tense that its hurt me. My mind is always racing about something health related and never gives me a break and more but If I wrote all my symptoms down we would be here a very long time. But today I really wanted to get in depth about how it actually affects my day to day life. In the beginning of the year I was so motivated to have the best year ever. In hindsight I put to much pressure on myself. But after years of just going with the flow I really wanted to challenge myself and that's what I did. I got myself a job and very stressful job but I just thought I could handle it. At one point I did nearly 50hrs in a week. I was so tired and run down. But I was managing and actually doing well, Then something snapped, i had been very ill with a chest infection and was still working with it. It drained me and that's when it happened. I had to leave my job and that's when the depression kicked in i would just lie in my bed the whole day and losing interest in everything. The Day it all happened was was of the worst days I've had and that's why i think i relapsed so badly. My body and mind had given up after being strong for so long. 

Those couple of months were the worst. I didn't even think i would make it past a day. A new day would come and i would pray to feel better but i never did. Now it's the after-math of what it's done to my mind and body. The symptoms of the antidepressants  have kicked in and dare i say my anxiety symptoms have calmed down everything else hasn't. I try and be productive every day because I don't want to be giving in to the thoughts and feelings. But sometimes my body just needs rest and that's what i give it. From the aching bones to the fatigue to the racing thoughts i can tell you that I'm a very poorly girl. I let myself start slow and do what my body wants. Because this is how i t all started not letting my body resting and taking so much on that it couldn't handle it. It's very sad that I'm like this currently and only having the one person supporting you because everyone else has given up or doesn't understand and makes me feel worse by belittling me. My sister has been my Rock. And i could never repay her for hows she looked after me.

Now we get onto the now... I'm still so fatigued i ache and my mind races with horrible thoughts. But i have routine and routine is what you need. It's not down to time or schedule. But the little things that make a difference. I do my skincare twice a day. I also do my Instagram. It might seem simple but to me they take everything out of me. Because I'm still getting used to life after a relapse. It's a big change for me and I'm still adjusting to everything. Life has got better but I'm still struggling with the simple of things. I'm trying to be positive and that's helping me a little. I've just got to remember everyday is a new day and I can do this. I need to realise that my life is my life and it's not a competition and I've got this. Mental health does take your identity and makes you feel weak and useless but in fact we are so strong because we get through the toughest of times and its amazing how we do it.

I hope my next chapter is much happier and healthy. And if i keep with the positive thinking and taking time to heal the next chapter might not be that long away

For now I'M going to keep doing what I'm doing and for everyone else battling 

STAY STRONG  

1 comments:

  1. Little things do matter! I really hope it gets better for you, keep being your beautiful self. <3
    Love Vicki ♡ victoriajanex

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