Monday, 13 February 2017

Hello, (Life update)




Hello, hi , hey this seems weird. Actually really weird. I haven't sat down to write a blogpost in a long while. I just really didn't want to blog anymore. Reality of it is I was getting caught up in this whole world of numbers and views and all of that. I fell out of love with it and then a couple of weeks ago I was thinking really hard about were I really wanted to take my blog. Use it for some good or carry on posting just for the sake of it. Then I decided that I would take my blog to the next step and become a mental health blogger. I say become like its something new but it really isn't, I've dabbled a few times with posting about mental health and those are the posts that I feel proud of. I want to use my blog for the good and not for the sake of it. It's so easy to carry on posting but if there Is no joy then what's the point. I need to go back to the place where I was a 17 yr old girl that was just going along happily posting when ever. Even if the photos were rubbish and the text was completely ruined by my lack of words or punctuation it was still carefree. I'm always the one that always jumps ahead or wont quit something that's become a habit. But to save my blog I need this change.  

Now on for the update, It's been a crazy month some down but also some good. This year I went into the new year with no goals but then as the month of Jan passed on I seem to have some. I DONT want to stick to goals because its no good for my mental health. So even though they are there I'm trying to not focus so much on it. My mental health over the past month has been a rollercoaster. If you can call it that. I've always been up and down with my mental health but as I grow older the down times seem to stay longer which is quite scary. My low mood has been stable with a couple of blips but its been steady which I'm thankful for. But the one thing that has come back with so much power is Anxiety and Oh my god its come back with a few different symptoms too. It's like a never ending battle and it's so frustrating at how it keeps on popping up. It always seems to be when I try and get some power back in my life and it pops up trying to get me to back down. I've been out of work for a while and this year I wanted to get back into employment and actually stay in a job. I am doing myself proud with that. I've been trying really hard with applying and it's working off because I have quite a few job interviews coming up. Even though I'm getting myself worked up at having a job I know It's a positive step to independence especially as I'm 25 this year. Life is the same with some improvements. Some aspects of mental health seems better but it depends on the day. One thing I'm struggling with is the denial of having mental illness for so long. It seems I've had it a lifetime but really its been 11 long years. I'm always wondering what if's and its so unhelpful but at the time it seems like the best thing to do. I'm currently looking into going back to therapy to help deal with demons and maybe put them to rest.

It's been a crazy but quite start to the year and I really just want to improve but I also no that the smallest of steps are huge achievements I really need to start learning not to beat myself up if something doesn't go as planned. It's hard to sit back and think this is where I am in life and it seems so scary too. But I think the positive step is that I don't want to stay in this position and I want to grow and achieve. Becoming a mental health blogger will help me even more. Topics and updates are were I'm going to start in the beginning I don't want to overwhelm my self. As time goes on I will start bringing new ideas to the table. I'm also going to be doing some posts about my struggles with certain things that have been years longs addictions and many other things. I'm not sure on how often I'm going to post but know there will be a post whenever I can. Especially as I'm looking for work. Getting a job would disrupt it. But for now its all on. 




2 comments:

  1. I like the idea of being a mental health blogger. My Blog has evolved from a healthy eating, to exercise now I’m in love with craft blogging. One thing I know I got right the name of my blog. I’m definitely evolving. Small steps turn into bigger steps which in turn can change your life. I’m living proof of that :) Sticking with goals can mess with my anxiety, goals freak me out and usually do more damage than good.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Never forget how amazing you're doing and there are a lot of people that love you :) x

    Abi | abistreetx

    ReplyDelete