Saturday, 20 August 2016

A step forward. (Mental Health)


SEO A step forward amyjwalters

Weeks ago I wouldn't have thought I would be writing this. Actually I would of probably laughed at the thought of it. Today I'm going to be talking about my step forward in my battle for recovery from mental illness. I never thought this step would come just because 2016 has been a really rough time for it to be honest. I was just in a vicious circle and wasn't prepared to get myself out of this circle. It was always excuse after excuse on why I couldn't do it. It really became unhealthy. Well it's been unhealthy for a while but it's so hard to accept that things need to change. Even if you don't want to accept it but the people around you can see how bad things are getting. I'm usually the kind of person who likes to have help to get myself into a good place. But unfortunately the services were I live aren't the best.

So I decided I was going to do this on my own. But for the past couple of months. Me doing it by myself didn't get of to the best start. I went into a even darker place then I have before and I thought I wasn't strong enough for this. But a couple of weeks back I found the strength to pull myself from some of that darkness. It wasn't easy it was the hardest thing I've done. Basically starting from scratch. I new if I was going to do then I needed a complete fresh start with everything. But the biggest thing I needed to do was change my thought process. I'm usually such a negative person and never see anything in a positive light. But I new this needed to change for this to work. So I set myself little tasks a day to keep my mind occupied and for it to not go back to the thought process. It's very hard. Because its like anything you're used to do doing comes easier then something that doesn't come natural to you. But doing these little things really became the foundation to me feeling brave enough to do all the 'normal' day to day things. And I found myself finding it so much easier then I have before. I was even applying for jobs and going to interviews and this Amy is someone who I want to be. The person with drive and passion and someone who doesn't always think negatively at the first hurdle. I'm doing things I never thought I would be doing.

Saying all that I have slipped back into old ways and done the things that come naturally  to me. But I've accepted that because I'm a human being and not a robot. I've struggled with Mental Health for 10 years. It isn't just going to be happiness and light from now on. I have to work so hard for that light to come in. But that's recovery for you. It's not one step. Its about taking loads of steps each day to become that person you want to be. I'm willing to accept the bad and good and grow from this. I think what's so different now is that I can see what I what and were I want to be in life.

Writing this post doesn't really do justice on what I've had to do to get to this point. I don't want to lead people on and say it's so easy and if you do this and that you'll feel better. Because that isn't the case. Every person is different. I just wanted to write this post because I see this as A step forward and a mini achievement  Because I'm finally in recovery. I know what this means and how hard it's going to be. BUT ANYTHING WORTH FIGHTING FOR ISN'T EASY.



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