Sunday, 24 July 2016

Mental health-10 years on. (TW)

MENTAL HEALTH- 10 YEARS ON
Possible Trigger warning.

SEO MENTAL HEALTH REASON TO STAY ALIVE 10 YEARS
This post is going to be very personal and it's going to go in depths of my struggles with mental health over the past 10 years. I have trigger warned it. I never new back then this was going to last 10 years and more. I thought I was just being a little sensitive to things while I was younger and I thought I would be back on my feet in no time. 10 years later I'm still struggling. It shows that mental health isn't a phase. It's a life long battle. Being mentally ill has ruined so many things for me. When I was younger I would accept it. Once I reached adulthood its was very hard to accept that my adult life wouldn't be like the norm. I still can't accept it at 24. My life is so different to how I imagined it. But lets start at the beginning of my 10 year battle with mental illness.

13 years old is where it all started. Things were a little different to how I normally was. I was going downhill quite fast and just before my 14th birthday I was assigned a school counsellor. I had low mood and was doing self destructive things to myself.  All this went on till I left school. I was not letting up and thought all this would help me. But I learned how to "fake" being better I learned how to make people believe I was fine. And that got me through the last weeks of school. Leaving school was my first recovery time. I went a year without anything self destructive. I finally blossomed into a different person. I was growing up and I was actually HAPPY. But that year went fast and it soon came crashing down soon after. It wasn't long till it all began again. But this time there was no recovery process from 17- 24 things have been (Bad, stable, bad) during these years it really changed me. I was a different person. I grew afraid of things I couldn't pick up a phone. Basically all of these things to me were so hard I eventually gave in and stayed in a house. A year later I started to want my life back and took the steps to fight back. But like always something had to happen to put me back so many steps. And this was going to take control of my life in so many ways.

Out of all the other mental illness I've dealt with. Anxiety has been the worst. It's gripped my life In so many ways.  That's when I went back to the doctors because I couldn't deal with the affects. To put it bluntly I thought there was something terribly wrong with me. The feeling it gives you is so scary. I'm glad I went to the doctors because not only did she tell me what was wrong with.  A Anxiety disorder she also  put me through to a mental health nurse. She was amazing and over the past couple of years I went back a couple of times. But it didn't really work because I wasn't ready to accept what was wrong with me. I also couldn't deal with the reasons why I had the issues in the first place. Basically I was my own worst enemy. I find life difficult and there has been times were I didn't think I would make it. Anxiety is life ruining. I don't do the normal adult things because I'm scared of things that are so normal to everyone else. I lead a ok life but it's not full and I'm not content with it. I'm grateful to still be breathing and living on this earth. But I am unhappy that this is how I've turned out to be. I NEVER imagined that this would be me at 24. Life seems unfair but I know I don't have it the worst. I Have left some things out but you get the jest of my mental health through the years. Its been so hard.


SEO mental health live life

This is why people get on my nerves when they say mental health is a phase. If you are on of those people please don't say things like that because it isn't. If only you knew what it's like on a day to day biases. It tires you so much. The fight the fight inside you have to get though these things is actually incredible. But it's still not fair we have to use all of our abilities to stay functional in life. TO not let the illness over come you all together.  This is me at 24 but I hope when I turn 25 I will be on the road to recovery. Right now that doesn't seem possible. But like people say anything is POSSIBLE

Mental health has ruined my life so far..... But that doesn't mean that it has to ruin anymore.



6 comments:

  1. This is such a refreshing post, and wonderful to hear you being open and honest. So many of your words ring true to me too, I'm 30 and can relate to 'I never imagined this would be me at...' it's wrong that you even think that you have to be at a certain phase in your life by a certain age... Maybe I'll get there, maybe I won't. Take each day as it comes and we will get there!��

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for leaving such a lovely comment. I know its so hard seeing everyone else doing the norm. But like you said it isn't right that we do this because everyone is different so everyone's lives are going to be different. That's what I'm planning on doing because it isn't a race and every day I'm doing better,
      Thanks so much for the comment
      xxxx

      Delete
  2. I appreciate this post because I understand it was not easy for you to go to a vulnerable place in your life and write this. I recently posted about my history with Depression and I totally agree with you, it is a slow and long recovery but you will recover. I love personal post like this, thank you for sharing :) you are always in my prayers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much. It really wasn't but i'm so glad I did it. I will go and have a read. Thank you so much and I really hope so. I DO TO.
      Yet again thanks so much for commenting.
      xxx

      Delete
  3. I agree with so much of what you said. Anxiety is such a relentless thing to have to deal with, it never takes breaks or turns off and I think people who don't suffer from anxiety just don't understand that at all.

    www.thesundaymode.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree! I'm always having to deal with questions that I shouldn't have to be asked. But that's the vile things about Mental Illness. You Can't see it so others don't understand it. It's a massive shame but hopefully with more and more people talking about it. It will break the stigma.
      Thanks so much for commenting
      xxx

      Delete