Friday, 5 February 2016

Anxitey. Where it all Started




This year I vowed to make some more mental health posts. Because they help me and If it makes another person feel less alone then I would be very happy. Today I'm discussing my Anxiety where it all started. This is going to be a lengthy post

September 2011 is where it all started. I was watching a serial drama late at night and I had noticed that my breathing had become really fast. At that point I didn't know what was wrong with me. I settled to sleep and the next morning I woke up with the same feeling of breathing way to fast. I had told my mum and she thought nothing of it and told me just to keep an eye open for it. That night I slept downstairs because it had got worse and I just lay there literally praying that I was going to be okay. The next day my sister rang the doctor and she must of thought it was serious because she rang me back in half a hour. She told me to come and see her. So my sister took me and I was getting worked up. Once there she got the nurse to hook me up to a heart monitor just to check everything was fine and it was all fine. She took me back into her room and explained to me what was happening. It was a relief and I thought that was going to be it. At that time she didn't do anything and if it got worse to come back.

The next couple of weeks were the worst weeks of my life. Other symptoms of Anxiety has started to emerge. I was petrified. I was going numb. I had started to have sleep paralysis and I couldn't eat and I generally was petrified to do anything. After the couple of weeks I think it had all settled down and my breathing had started to normalise and all the other symptoms had disappeared. I'm not even kidding when I thought this was over. I had actually thought that I was going to be okay and it was gone forever. It hadn't and it slowly started to ruin my life. I had to give up work because I wasn't well enough to do anything. I couldn't function. Every time I went out I had massive attacks and couldn't go out alone. Being an adult wasn't an option at that point. I went back to being a child. Because I couldn't go out on my own. I always had to  have someone with me at all times. A year went past of me feeling like that and I finally went back to the doctors. She new I was struggling straight away and prescribed me medication and therapy. None of that worked for me and I kept going deeper and deeper into Depression and anxiety. I was a mess. As the years went buy things didn't improve but I got stronger. I once again went back to the doctors and she put me back into therapy. The women I saw was one of the nicest of people I had ever met. She made me feel at home. I struggle with opening up about things and unfortunately I didn't with her.

On my last session with her we hugged and she told me I could do anything I wanted to. She made me feel strong. No one has ever believed in me before. So her believing me gave me the strength I needed. I went back to work and I also did a work course. I felt alive and was back to doing normal things again. After a couple of months of  back to work I had started to get some of the Symptoms back. But I chose to ignore them and hoped they would go away. A couple of weeks later I was at the till and I could feel myself going out in and out of it and that resulted in me doing something wrong on the tills. I was called into the office and was given a telling off. That's when I decided to leave the company. Once again I wasn't well enough.

I went into a deep depression and just thought why did this have to happen to me and why did it have to affect my life. I just wanted to do something normal. But I couldn't handle anything stressful. Weeks went buy and I was back at the doctors and she gave me some more therapy but once again that didn't work. I eventually got strong enough and I was in and out of work because of it. I think one of the worst things about dealing with all this is I had no family support. They honestly thought I was putting this all on.  2015 was the worst year of my life so far. So many downs and I just couldn't pick myself up.

February 2016. Where am I now. It has got better but not that much better. I recently just went back to the doctors but it was new doctor and it was a massive set back because she didn't help. Right now I'm holding on and hoping for not another massive relapse.

Anxiety has ruined to many years of my life. If you are struggling with it right now. Just know your not alone and please grab all the help available with both hands. I know its hard to talk about things happening in your life. It was for me and I never opened up. But that was my downfall. They cant help if they don't know what is going on. Now I'm ready to talk I can't get any help. Please don't let that happen to you.

If you ever need a chat. Tweet me at @amyjwalters_

I have also set up a mental health twitter chat which is on every Tuesday at 7pm with the hashtag #mindsmatter  Would love to see some new faces.

Just Remember

YOU AREN'T ALONE.





8 comments:

  1. Aw Amy! I totally feel for you and I've had similar symptoms when it comes to anxiety. It ruined a year of my life too and it still shows it's face now and then.... We can do this!

    Here for you lovely!

    ♦The Jewel Beauty Blog♦ || Would love you to stop by! ツ

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with this to. Yes we can do this.
      Thanks so much for commenting
      xxx

      Delete
  2. Hello Amy, I'm new to your blog, but wow... I had such a similar experience with anxiety over the last 2-4 years. I'm also trying to hold off another relapse right now. We can do it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Lovely. Thanks for stopping by. I'm sorry to hear that you also struggle with this. Yes we can do this.
      Thanks so much for commenting
      xxx

      Delete
  3. Hello I am also new to your blog but I am glad I came across your post. I too have felt similar symptoms to you with anxiety, it so much more common than I actually thought. thank you for sharing your story! 😃 X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey. Thanks for stopping by. I'm sorry to hear that you have had similar experiences with anxiety. It is pretty common so never feel alone with it. Aww thanks lovely.
      Thanks so much for commenting
      xxx

      Delete
  4. You are very brave for sharing your story lovely! I am sorry to hear how much distress it has caused you and that you had no family support! If you ever need support the blogging community including myself will always be there for you x

    http://thriftyvintagefashion.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey lovely. This comment really touched my heart. Thank you so much.
      Thanks so much for commenting
      xxx

      Delete