Sunday, 3 January 2016

Why i choose RECOVERY

This might sound like a stupid question. But to me it's not. It's something I've struggled with for a couple of years. Do I deserve recovery. That was such a big question floating around. For along time I was searching for that answer from other people on the way they treated me or just general things in live. Just recently I came to the conculsion that NO one has a right to say yes or no to that question. Its entirely up to me. It's my choice. I do deserve RECOVERY. Just like anyone else. It's so hard to get onto the recovery road and stay there. Its an up hill battle which is pretty scary. It's a daily battle that you have to fight everyday. But anything that's worth it isn't easy. I know I'm going to have relapses and that's totally normal and I shouldn't beat myself up over something that is so hard.

Recovery is so important to me because it means I can start living my life the way I should be living my life. Not being scared of trying anything in case I have a panic attack. Saying NO to everything because I think I'm not good enough. Not following my dreams because I think I'm going to fail. Just simple things in life are so difficult to me. My brain overthinks and causes way more problems then it should. I shouldn't be afraid to live my life. Life is way to short. But when I'm in that mind-set I don't think logically and all my positivity fades away and all the negativity invades my brain. I say every year on January the 1st that I want recovery this year. Every year I don't achieve this. Why! because I don't try hard enough. It's so easy to just say these words and say them to anyone that listens. But to apply them is a different thing altogether. Words are words and Actions are Actions. But something clicked a couple of days ago and I started thinking of my life without Mental Illness and it made me smile inside. I know I'm capable of recovery and I no I want it more then ever. So this year is going to be the year I choose recovery because I deserve to live a life without mental Illness

I want to be able to go places and feel at ease
I want to go out at night and have the time of my life.
I want to travel and not be scared of something bad happing
I want to be able to hold down a job
I want to learn to drive
I want to move out
I want to be able to go out myself at all times
I want to start my career
I want to hang out with friends
I want to go to blogging events
I want to laugh in a way I haven't laughed in a long while

That's a lot of wants written there. But I no in the coming years i can achieve everything that is on this list and more. I know it's not going to be easy and I'm prepared for all the setbacks. Setbacks are only setbacks if you let them be setbacks. It's up to me to get back up on that horse and carry on fighting. I know I'm much better then I was. But I'm still no where near were I want to be. And I know that's all because of me and negativity. It's not easy to change your mindset but it is possible if you do it a step at a time. I'm so ready for this change I don't want to be scared to live my life  anymore. I'm ready to fight and take back my life for once and for all..


  1. This made me cry, you're such a wonderful, brave person. Love love love this post, go you!! <3
    Love Vicki |

    1. Ohh Vicki. Thank you so much. So much love for you.
      Thanks for commenting

  2. Such an inspirational, brave post! You're amazing and you'll achieve all of your dreams with that fighting spirit! As you say, just take little steps at a time :)

    Alice / Alice Grace Beauty


    1. Ohh thank you so much for such a lovely comment Alice. It's so nice to hear such supportive words.
      Thanks for commenting

  3. This spoke to me so much! I'm really struggling at the moment (I seem to have such up an downs throughout the year) with confidence in my ability, in myself, clinging on to an ex, all the fun things! And the most frustrating thing is it isn't like me at all, it's not like any of us, it changes us in to people we don't recognise. I hope you find your road to recovery this year, I'm definitely here behind you!

    1. I definitely understand everything you are saying. That's what it did to me too. Yes it does change who we are completely. And what's the worst thing is that we start to forget who we are. Thank you so much. And I hope you do too lovely. I'm always a message away.
      Thanks for commenting.