Sunday, 6 April 2014

Depression. My Story.

Hey my lovelies. Hope everyone is well. Today's post is going to be a very personal one to me. I just want to state before i start. I'm not doing this for attention and it's not a Sob story. I just wanted to tell my story to help people speak out and not to be embarrassed by the MH problems your suffering from.
So where did it all start from. I still ask that question every single day. Yes I've had my problems but I've always been a strong person and i would get through it slowly. But 8 years ago i started feeling things I had never felt before. ( I will go into the symptoms later on in the post) I couldn't put my finger on it so i just carried on with life. I was never the popular girl in school and i was bullied quite abit. Because i didn't look the way they wanted. I had home life issues and i guess everything just got to much. I would stop speaking to people and if i did it would be Fake. I hated everyone and everything. I wanted to be normal i didn't want to be the girl that everyone hated. I didn't really understand why everyone didn't like me. And from that day till this very day i always try and people please and look a way that i think people would accept. Just because of some horrible school boys who ruined every bit of confidence i had. The depression gradually got worse to the point i would cry because i had to get out of bed in the mornings and pretend everything was okay. I think that's what hurt the most that no one knew how much i was suffering not even my family did. People just thought i was a Drama Queen and just being miserable for the sake of it. Finishing school was the best thing that could of ever happened. It was hell for me. College i blossomed into a women and people started to accept me and even wanted to be friends with me. My confidence grew and so did my style. I had boyfriends and i was going out and partying and i changed as a person. But unfortunately it didn't last long. i was soon the outcast and all them feelings came back. I stopped going out and stayed in bed for as long as i could. I had no friends no life and i was a mess. I wish there could of been that person who would of helped me through it. Maybe i still wouldn't be like this today. But i guess you can't say things like that because no one know's what the future holds. People say going through Mental Illness makes you a stronger person. It does in a way but to me it's made me weaker. I struggle to the daily activities that every normal person does. I can't go out alone. I still struggle in getting out of bed every day. I have seeked medical help but for me it didn't help becasuse i couldn't accept what i was going through. I no for a fact this isn't going to win me. I'm going to fight my hardest to get my life back on track.
Symptoms of depression
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
  • Fatigue and decreased energy
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
  • Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
  • Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
  • Irritability, restlessness
  • Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
  • Overeating or appetite loss
  • Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not get better even with treatment
  • Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
  • Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
Everyone is different so not everyone is going to get all of these symptoms. If you have 1 or more then you need to go to your doctors and ask for help. You might think they won't help you and brush you off. But they won't. They take Mental Health very serious.

If you don't want to go to the doctors but just want to speak to someone there are some helplines. 
samaritans  are a very good helpline who are open 24.7

08457 909090 (UK)

People always ask me DOES IT GET BETTER. I don't have an answer to that because it never really has for me. Ask me in a couple of months and it might be a different answer 

You can email me if you need someone to talk to falconer19@hotmail.co.uk

Lets break the stigma and talk about it more. It's hard but if you talk your helping at least one person and breaking the stigma around it.

This has been really hard for me to write. If you have any questions please feel free to leave it in the comments. 


8 comments:

  1. Like I said, if my arms would reach I would hug you right now, even if you say no ;)
    I had the similar things happen when I went to collage but I just wasn't happy so it was just too hard for me to maintain that social persona so I just gave up and crawled back into my bed.

    Mental illness makes me weak, all the time, but it will not break make and I think that is where we are strong. We hold on, we get up eventually and sometimes we just do because that's all we've got.

    Just remember every time you feel week that you said to yourself that you will try and you will fight this. Remember that when shit hits the fan and you think the world hates you (don't worry, it hates me too ;) ), you'll fight and in the end you will win. Plenty of time for the end too.

    Time. Time is everything to mental illness and we must give it time. We can't rush our brains into something they've never had.

    Good for you for posting and I hope it gives you some closure, even just a little. You are very brave and strong! (Because I say so ;) )

    Loves to you!! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love you. amazing comment. beautiful person inside and out. Friends for life.
      xx

      Delete
  2. You are so brave opening up on this post, you're an amazing and strong individual Amy. Always here for a chat if you need me!
    Becky xxxxx
    www.geekgetsglam.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you honey. It took a lot of courage but i wanted to do it. Thanks gorgeous girl.
      xxx

      Delete
    2. This is such a brave post Amy. Never give up. Things can get better. They did for me. I hope you find that place. Xxx

      Delete
    3. Thank you honey. I'm not planning on giving up :)
      xxx

      Delete
  3. This is such a brave post, well done! You should be proud that you have been able to talk out about this! I can relate to this post a lot, & I hope things get better for you.
    Jess x x
    A Beautiful Secret

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much honey. I hope things ever get better for you too. If you ever need a chat email me falconer19@hotmail.co.uk
      xxx

      Delete