Saturday, 5 October 2013

Mental health awareness month/ Guestpost from Ffion #2

Hey lovelies i thought it would be good for other girls to tell there experiences of mental health. Lovely Ffion was brave enough to tell me her story and she wanted to guest post on my blog about it as i'm doing a series on mental health awareness month. Enough of me writing here's the post. Be kind .

Hi all, My name’s Ffion, I am your average 17 year old girl, I go to college, I like clothes and make up but in 2011 after my GCSE’s I started to worry, it started gradually at first, worrying about little things like getting to school on time, working, the way I looked to other people, I started concentrating more about what other people thought about me, started worrying and trying to change myself to ‘fit in’, I started to experience the constant feel of stress, like mist it slowly came down and I felt suffocated by stress, worrying and half the time I didn’t even know what I was worrying about, it was just a feeling that was always there and I thought it was normal….I just lived with it, in Summer 2012 I got ‘sad’, very ‘sad’ I wouldn’t talk to anyone, I pushed my ‘friends’ and family away. I woke up cried, went to school, came home, cried, slept. My mum was terrified, terrified I’d do something silly, but also terrified that if she took me to a doctor I’d be put on medication, medication I’d rely on for the rest of my life, so all we could to was carry on, I had no other choice. I was on my own, or at least I thought I was.
It improved over a period of 5 months, or at least the crying stopped, I got on with things, living with ‘it’, whatever ‘it’ is. So it carried on, it got worse when I got into sixth form, I hated it, despised it, I hated the way I was taught, I hated the teachers, the buildings and in the end I stopped going, I couldn’t handle how ‘sad’ it made me, I did my exams Psychology E&U, Sociology B&B, English Literature I dropped, and yes I had suicidal thoughts, I tried once with paracetemol but I felt silly after, I was dizzy for awhile but it disappeared. I thought that was it, it was the end until I started looking into colleges, but as I was going through all these things it was piling on more and more stress, I applied to college, I met my boyfriend Niall, and looking back on that now, he was one of the best things that could of happened, I spent more and more time with him, outdoors, doing things, we went to the beach, cinema and eating out, he was my best friend all summer, someone I could trust, who I could talk to, I started to improve, slightly, but I still felt the constant stress, I just coped.
When I started college everything went to shit, I went spiralling back into the world of dread, the pressure Niall was under from my problems took their toll on our relationship, he stopped looking at me, he stopped talking to me and when we did talk it was to argue, argue over the smallest things. I was all alone, I had no one to talk to, no one who could understand only this massive pile of stress that just sat on my back, all day, everyday. I started crying again…
One day in college our personal tutors were doing one to one talks to see how we were getting on, how we were coping, we were supposed to talk and they were supposed to make notes, I don’t know if I said something or did something but at the end of our conversation she looked at me and said she thought I needed help, she sent me to see the welfare officer, who then sent me to see a counsellor, I was terrified, the first session was around 2/3 hours long, it got to a point where I told her everything, after the session she gave me some feedback, and she understood! Someone understood what I was going through and IT WASN’T NORMAL. She was however concerned, she told me to go to my GP, she suspects I suffer with anxiety and mild depression and so does my mum who is a mental health nurse now herself! I have however got to go and visit my doctor again to confirm it. After reading up on Anxiety I started to notice day to day things that I do that are actually symptoms!
Mams against medication though, I think she always will be when it comes to me, but after speaking to my grandmother who surprisingly fully supported me and who is coming with me to the doctors I felt a little better. BUT after telling my mum and grandmother I felt I needed to tell my dad, I am his daughter after all, It was the worst thing I’d ever done in my life, how do you tell your dad you might have a mental illness?
Biggest surprise ever! Dad actually suffers from the same thing! He has done since he was 12, this was great news, it meant he understood! We talked more that evening than we have ever, it was pretty deep stuff, I even talked to him about my relationship! Something became clear, the more people I spoke to about it, the better I felt and the more weight was lifted! That was a couple of days ago now and everything’s going really well, I’m going to counselling every week, spending more time at home with the family, giving Niall some space, getting more involved in the community and working less and although the stress and worry is still there, I feel a little better, my head seems a little clearer. I am a work in progress!
I have been trying relaxation techniques, breathing exercises, and mums even letting me get cat which is apparently a mood lifter, a companion, someone to talk to, I think this is a good idea so I’m going along with it, I’m really looking forward to it and will be doing a blog series on my blog thepoorgirlsguideto.blogspot.com about the cat adoption process I go through!
So here I am, your average 17 year old girl with a mental illness. Mental illness is manageable and you’re not alone, I’ve met people today with depression and schizophrenia, people I would never have thought to have mental illness! Mental illness is actually really common and it can happen to anyone! You are not alone!
Thank you so much to Amy for letting me share my story, it’s really important to me that other young people realise they’re not alone! You are not alone. You can email me at anytime ffiongdavies@gmail.com , I’ll listen and I’ll try to help!
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2 comments:

  1. Very good post ;)

    I follow you beautiful blog. I hope you will follow me back and I will wait for you in my blog www.gabusiek.blogspot.com

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  2. Hi Ffion. This is a lovely post, straight from the heart. When my anxiety was very bad I got two cats and it was one of the best things that happened to me. Carly. X

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